Our wonderful youth

Today I became yet another statistic that our politicians love to spout about.

On getting in my car this morning, I noticed a few small stones in the snow on the roof. Kids, I thought. Nothing better to do than piss about and be a general nuisance. Mrs K and I were just popping down to the local shops for a couple of things. We were only there for around an hour or so and by the time we arrived back at my trusty motor, the previous nights snow had melted off. To reveal deep scratch marks in the paintwork of the bonnet and nearside panels. These kids were obviously the ones I had an altercation with a couple of weeks ago.

My neighbour had come to our door at the time, visibly distressed about the fact that a gang of young darlings had been running around our properties and just been a general pain in the arse.

I was not going to put up with this. On going out that evening, they were all milling about outside our driveway. About six or seven of them all around fifteen or sixteen years old. We had words from which I basically told them that, if I saw them hanging around here again, my trusty cricket bat might get an airing. Unfortunately, I was standing by my car at the time and they obviously clocked it. Hence the vandalism.

I am not particularly bothered about the car. It is thirteen years young and it's got a few scrapes and dents, so a few more scratches makes no difference to me. What really pisses me off, is that these upstanding young citizens have got away with it and there is nothing I can do about it. Obviously, if I caught them doing anything untoward I will act upon it because it is a waste of time calling the boys in blue. My neighbour called them three times when the original anti-social behaviour began and at no time did any police officer arrive on the scene to investigate. A sign of the times I am afraid.

What scares me a little, is that if I come across these little shits, I may not be responsible for my actions and I will be the one ending up in nick.

Let me tell you. We are not far away from upstanding and law abiding citizens like myself forming our own vigilante groups to get rid of the scum wandering the street sticking their fingers up at society. You cannot rely on the police at all. Virtually everybody I speak to has lost all trust in our local constabulary.

What is this once proud country coming to? What has happened to respect, politeness, good manners and just being plain courteous?

Bring back hanging.
Bring back corporal punishment in the schools.
Line up all of societies liberal do gooders and shoot the lot of them.

I am now going up the pub to get bladdered and woe betide any little pricks who upset me tonight.....

One for the lads

I don't know if you realise this, but did you know that the definition of your screen increases hugely if cleaned from within.

You will be amazed at the clarity after using this marvellous piece of technology.

Mindboggling.

Being British

This little snippet pretty well sums up what it is like to be British.


"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American
shows on a Japanese TV.


And the most British thing of all?

.. Suspicion of anything foreign. "


Yep. That's about it.

Hands off our duster

Whilst half heartedly having an ear cocked to what is laughingly called 'The News' tonight, my ghast was flabbered when I heard that some faceless b'euro' crat announces to those of his fellow european wasters who were still awake that,

"Wouldn't it be a wheeze if we were to abolish the Red Ensign used by the British Merchant Navy and design a European one."

Is nothing sacred anymore?

This is the flag flown for hundreds of years from British ships through countless wars, where thousands of merchant seamen (and some women) perished in the most horrendous conditions whilst fighting for their King/Queen and country.

This is the flag where many a sailor slid from under to a watery grave.

This is the flag that is known and respected throughout the world.

Do not these plebs realise the reverence a flag can command?

I served under the White Ensign and am immensely proud of that fact. A great surge of pride and patriotism overcomes me every time I see that flag flying.

Thankfully the House of Lords has dismissed the suggestion outright and let us hope that is the end of it.

Good grief Charlie Brown....

See blog title

Two Jags/Four Houses fucks up again

I see that the fat odious prick going by the name of John (I'm a man of the people) Prescott has fucked up again.

He owes nearly four grand in unpaid taxes, but unlike recently, when two pensioners were sent to jail for the same offence, he 'aint goin' nowhere because he is the Deputy Prime Minister and it was a pure mistake he hadn't coughed up.

That's alright then.

This is the Deputy Prime Minister who is also head of the department for collecting Council Tax.

Except his own that is.


Prick.....

Ohhh. I bet they are scared

Tony Bliar Blair has promised to crack down on anti-social and yobbish behaviour.

I bet all those hoodies are quaking in their granny bashing boots.

Just scraped out of that one

Every time we wake in the morning and find that Jack Frost has given us a visit, I cannot help but smile to myself when I see many a struggling soul scraping the frost off their windscreens.

All that grunting and sighing as you scrape like fuck to get that last obstinate bit of ice off the part of the screen that you actually look through. Yes, it is always there, isn't it?

After a while of watching with wry amusement, I stroll back into the house and root out the watering can.

"What the fuck does he want with a watering can?" I hear you cry.

Lesson on how to start work on a freezing morning without having to expend the amount of energy used to power the Titanic.

1. Fill said watering can with TEPID tap water.
2. Walk to car looking slightly smug
3. Pour water over all windows.
4. Step back and admire all your clear windows.
5. Voila, job done.

And an added bonus is that once you get in, the windows do not steam up at all.

Result is calmness personified as you drive to your days labour relaxed and chilled.

I must reiterate that you use tepid water and not boiling as some idiot did once and wondered why his windscreen cracked resembling a spiders web. I got this useful little snippet from the AA, so do not be scared.

P.S. Anyone know how to stop the mirror steaming up?

Happy Old Year

Happy New Year?

What about starting a 'Happy Old Year' for those of us who indeed did have a good year last year.

1. Another blissful year with my new wife (that should earn me a few brownie points).
2. I did not go down with an incurable disease.
3. Still got the same job that I have had for 28 years (who says I have no ambition)?
4. My clothes still fit me.
5. Discovering ebay.
6. Holidaying on the canals with my missus and darlin' stepdaughter.
7. Watching missus fall in.
8. Managing to avoid stepping on Barneys turds he regularly deposits in the garden.
9. My MP3 player opening up my dormant awareness of good sounds, old and new.
10. Still enjoying blogging and discovering new like minded folks.

So a 'HAPPY OLD YEAR' to us all.

I'd rather take a dim view

I travel along the M2 every morning to get to work and although I only use about a four mile section, it is lit from end to end.

It sometimes makes me wonder why we have headlights on our motors at all.

An advantage of having unlit roads, is that everybody tends to drive that much carefully and what a saving of energy as well. I am the boring old fart who rarely exceeds 60 mph on this stretch and it seems that every other motorist passes me whatever the conditions. Unless there is snow on the deck, I see no measurable difference in speed or care of driving.

Oh well, that is my week off to a good start. A good old whinge. You cannot beat it.

Lottery winner

Oh joy of joys.

Our dreams have come true.

An e-mail from the Eurolottery informing us that we had been lucky.

We are in a quandrie as to what to spend our £6.00 on.

Any suggestions? Non - sexual preferably.

F.A.Cup time again

It's that time of year again. One that I and thousands of footy fans relish.

The F.A. Cup Third Round.

Where the minnows are pitched in against the megaclubs and oh don't we all just love seeing some mighty behemoth brought to its knees by some dinky little local club.

The game to watch must be lowly Burton Albion v Man U. Certainly a game I will be watching.

My beloved West Ham are away to Norwich. So that's us out then. Although we have actually won the FA Cup, we all too often never proceed further than the third round. Shit or bust I am afraid where it concerns the Hammers.

It's witchunt time again

I see that once more our delightful media have ruined another man's career, prompting the knives to come out for the unlucky bastard, with his so called friends joining the queue to kick him out.

This time the poor unfortunate is the Liberal Party leader, Charles Kennedy.

Does anybody else think it is quite frightening the power that the media have over life in general? I am all for freedom of speech et al, but I think they push the boundaries too far some times and should be reigned in occasionally.

Ok, so the guy's got a drink problem. He's getting it sorted. Everybody knows that all politicians lie for a living, so what's new here then?

Personally. I think the guy should stand his ground and if his Liberal Party practised what they preached, they would support him instead of kicking him when he is down.

Freedom of speech?

If anyone of you out there wonders about the title of my blog, please take time to read this letter published in yesterdays Telegraph.

Freedom of speech

Sir - On BBC Radio 4's PM programme, Sir Iqbal Sacranie, the secretary general of the Muslim Council of Britain, described homosexuality as "harmful" and "not acceptable" ( January 4).

I accept that Sir Iqbal has the right to express his personal opinions. However, when Christians have expressed negative views on homosexuality, the police have made a point of "investigating" these comments as potential "hate crimes" and contacting the people concerned to warn them about their behaviour.

See, for example, the cases of Joan and Helen Roberts, who complained about gay literature put out by their local council, author Lynette Burrows speaking on Radio 5 on gay adoption and the Bishop of Chester speaking in 2003.

I assume, therefore, that the Metropolitan Police will be investigating Sir Iqbal and will be contacting him regarding his BBC interview.

If, however, the police do nothing, then the Churches will be entitled to ask why the police are taking action against Christians expressing their views on homosexuality, while ignoring similar views being expressed by Muslims.

Neil Addison, Liverpool

Why oh why must this proud country we live in (England) have to pander to every minority who chooses to live here?

The old muslim v christianity chestnut rears up once more.

I am not a believer of any religion. Personally, I strongly believe that organised religion does more harm than good. Yes, there are lots of well meaning and deserving souls out there who spread goodwill in the name of some entity, but there is also so much hypocrisy involved.

This country is predominately christian and the moral (what's left of it) fabric of our society, yet every day we hear of another example of christians being banned discouraged from celebrating their holy days in the way they would prefer and have done for centuries.

Being a non-believer, I do not care whether anyone is christian/muslim/jewish or whatever. Why cannot you all get along together and respect one another's choice of worship?

AA = Arrogant Arseoles

Why was I not surprised when I read this story today.

How somebody had the gall to actually tell Mr Douglas that his father in laws membership had expired the minute that he popped his clogs, just belies belief.

Thankfully the AA has apologised profusely to the family and I am pretty sure someone's head is rolling within the great Automobile Associations halls today.

As a member of said association, I am of the understanding that membership is renewed on a yearly basis, so therefore, unless his membership was up for renewal that day (highly unlikely), he was all paid up and they should have complied with the families wishes.

Turning over a new branch thingy........Oh ! Leaf.

And no, this is not a New Years resolution.

Of late, my posting has been very lax. When I first started blogging, I was full of enthusiasm to enter this new exciting world. Fascinated by what little old me could do with HTML and all that. I visited and became quite chatty with complete strangers and even met, courted and persuaded my current wife to abandon all she knew and loved in the good ol' USA to marry me and live in a civilised country.

Note to wife: I'm only joking sweetheart.

She reads my posts and constantly beats me you know, but apart from that, we love each other really.

I digress.

My first blog, squirrels pinnacle, was abandoned and I went AWOL for a long time. There was always that nagging thought between my ears that I should get back and start venting my spleen and thumping that keyboard again.

So it's finger out of arse time and full steam ahead to blogworld and if I start slacking off, I am relying on you out there to send threatening reminders through the ether.

I've linked some of my regulars, a few of the blogs I used to frequent a couple of years ago and some new ones I think are a good read. Nothing heavy or political mind, just a good chuckle is required.

We are only a short time on this fucked up planet we all live on, so let's make the most of it and try to cheer each other up.

Happy New Year

Well here we are now into 2006 and I have still maintained my resolution of several years ago.

Never to make anymore resolutions

You should try it. It is the easiest one to keep.