Well, it's been a while. Just wondering if there is anybody still out there. I must admit, I have been absent for a while. Four years but who's counting? Any of my old listeners feel free to drop me a comment, rude or otherwise. I don't care.

Lewis Hamiton deserts his country

Our upstart and coming Formula 1 star is leaving our shores (just after his local council named a road after him). This piece from the Telegraph nearly had me in tears.

"You lose your ability to go to places. You really struggle to live a normal life. It's been a really tough year. I've not been able to spend a lot of time with my friends, my family. You come home and everyone knows you, it makes it so much harder to do normal things," Hamilton said. "I can't go to the cinema. I go to the bathroom in a petrol station and people come in there for autographs. It's tough but I knew that was going to be the case."

Isn't life so tough for the soon to be, if not already, millionaire.

Switzerland eh? Nothing to do with paying next to no tax then. Or is this me just being a tad cynical? Perish the thought.

TRAITOR

Proud to be English

Biggest reaction of last nights match in my local boozer.

1. Our brave England lads running on to the field at the start of hostilities - No

2. Belting out our National Anthem (all pussy footballers, take note) - No

3. The 'Australian' official who made us wait three agonising minutes before disallowing that try - No

4. Jason Robinson sadly ending his career with a damaged shoulder - No

5. Our plucky lads final defeat by an admittedly superior side on the night - No

Do you know what made them raise the roof at the Flying Saucer last night?

Gordon Browns smug, fucking Scottish mug, that's what.

Standing there in his suit and tie (does he ever wear anything else?) next to that equally slimy French git, Sarkozy. What the bloody hell was a haggis eater doing supposedly supporting the English rugby team? Who invited him? And I bet he didn't pay for his ticket, either. Probably came just to gloat. Ditto for his Gallic mate.

Priceless quote of the night from a pretty blonde thing who spent most of the evening proudly thrusting her 'new boobs' under any testosterone filled males nose.

" What colour are our side playing in?"

I kid you not.............Bless!

(Well I had to look. It would have been rude not to.)

We lost, but we lost with dignity and pride. Isn't it great being born an Englishman?

"Where's me spinach"

I think I am a reasonably fit bloke for a fifty something, but why do they make petrol pumps so bloody hard to squeeze? By the time I reach the top of the tank, veins are bulging in my neck and my arms are pumped up like Popeye.

Pity the poor people with arthritis.

"Now move along please sir"

Oh how many times do we hear this.

"Travelers have today moved onto a site close to residential areas and the local council and Police have received complaints about noise, mess and abusive behaviour from these temporary residents.
The council is applying for an eviction notice which will take several days to be enforced"

This happened in Rainham this week in a car park of a disused building. Several pikey scum decided in their own subtle way, that they were going to call this place home whether anybody liked it or not.

Now we all know how hard it is to shift these bastards, well shock horror, they were gone the next day.

How can this be? You may well ask yourself.

The place in question was a disused Police Station car park.

Nuff said?

Treason afoot

The words 'Queen' and 'scrapped' should not even be in the same sentence, but that is what those faceless bureaucrats in OUR Foreign Office want to do to our passport.
It was bad enough that we lost our beloved blue book recognized all around the globe, to that insipid little pink (well nearly) booklet we have to lug around these days, but to even think about removing Her Maj from the front page is tantamount to treason. And those wankers in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, should be paraded down Whitehall whilst being tarred and feathered by all and sundry.
On a good note though, common sense has prevailed when the Europricks announced that they would no longer pursue us Brits over the use of Imperial measurements. That's worth having a good ol' British pint for.
You know. I do believe we are gradually getting them around to our way of thinking, despite all their huffing and puffing. We should take a leaf out of France's book. Tell them to 'foxtrot oscar', as it were.

Beware Bouncy Castles

Two weeks ago, we went to a friends son's 21st at their house. A Bouncy castle was wobbling in the garden, so of course I had to act the kid and have a go.

Consequently, my neck has been aching ever since.

Obviously it isn't as supple and flexible as I thought. Now where's that 'Deep Heat'?