Mary Poppins has a lot to answer for.

Last weekend I discovered that Great Britain is not the only country that is passionate about that iconic symbol of phallus, the umbrella.

Mrs K and I traveled to Brussels for the day. The weather was inclement to say the least and upon the advent of yet another shower, there they sprung. Like fresh seedlings emerging up into the dull morning skies they stood erected.

Pink ones, blue ones and ones with tassels on. They sprung up every fucking where. And you know what dear reader, there should be a government warning issued to each and every one of those inconsiderate bastards who don't watch where the fuck they are going.

The umbrella in untrained hands is indeed a lethal weapon. Forget WMD. If you walk down the street towards a couple of old biddies 'met umbrellas', start praying. The least you can expect is an eye out. These airheads seem totally oblivious to the fact that they are wielding an offensive weapon. I would rather play hopscotch in an Iraqi minefield than try and negotiate my way around a gaggle of the 'blue rinse brigade' aimlessly wandering around plucking the occasional eye from it's socket. And I can pick my own nose thank you very much.