Monday, August 06, 2007

Don't sail in this Captain's ship

On Saturday, we made a last minute decision to charge down to the sea and splash about, catch crabs, get sunburnt and do all the stuff that goes into a good ol' fashioned English trip to the seaside.

Being miserable bastards, we searched for a quiet unpopulated beach to sprawl on. Not for us the great unwashed with their screaming rug rats running riot amidst great globules of shiny pink flesh slowly frying to a turn in that strange phenomena called the sun. No beach balls smashing into crisps and warm orange juice. Just a reasonably quiet beach where we could chill. Hard to find in Kent, although we have the longest coastline in the country.

Kingsgate Bay came up trumps. Small, quiet and safe swimming. Unfortunately the nearest place for the motor is in the car park of the 'Captain Digby' pub. They charged us a tenner (yes, a bloody tenner) on the understanding that if we bought a meal inside, the charge would be waived. Perfect, we thought.

After three hours fun on the beach we returned to the pub for some scran, only to be informed whilst ordering the grub that there is in fact no policy to refund car parking fees to non-customers. I politely pointed out to the youth who was masquerading as management that as we were ordering food, surely that entitled us to be called, customers.

"It doesn't work like that" was his oft to be repeated answer.

Apparently, if we had walked directly into the pub and ordered a meal after paying the exorbitant amount they charged us, we would be discounted when we ordered some food. I not so politely (I was getting seriously pissed off by now) told this twat, that "If I wanted to use his poxy pub, I certainly wouldn't pay a tenner to park my car as I would be a 'customer', wouldn't I?"

"It doesn't work like that".

It does drag on much more, but I had met the jobs worth from hell, so I told him to stick his food where the sun don't shine and that "Thanks to his helpfulness, I will never darken his door again".

The moral of this sad tale is that because of this wankers attitude, instead of getting twenty to thirty quids worth of trade from a happy customer, he was quite happy to make do with a tenner from a distinctly unhappy customer who will never return and will certainly tell all and sundry what mean spirited prats they are at the Captain Digby.

Remember the name, for the worst reasons.

Needless to say. Thorley Taverns (their parent company) received a snotty e-mail. As yet, I have received no reply.

This is England.

Should I hold my breath?


Yorkshire Pudding said...

I have no plans to visit the Captain Digby as it is in that arid and uninviting dead zone known as "Darn Sarf" but if by some quirk of misfortune I found myself in such an establishment I would go berserk, raping and pillaging the Kentish money grabbing bastards!

Steve said...

That's some customer service and "business plan".

Alfie said...

A Public House with no 'public' inside it......

A scary concept.

It's funny how a landlord can either maketh or breaketh a pub isn't it? Can people like that really afford to get uber snotty with the natives? My guess is that the tenner charge is a scam - I reckon he probably declares a fiver of it to his masters and the rest will go into his back pocket.

krip said...

He replied and was gob smacked that I had dared to take umbrage at his scam. I didn't lower myself to react. His loss, not mine.